This past week, one of my little snippets on a calandar said "if someone tells you life is hard, ask them 'compared to what?'" I am still contemplating that one.
But the more bothersome part of the week was yesterday. I decided to go in late for rounds, like the slightly tired person I am on the weekends after a busy week, and the 2nd person I saw, had the whole family (or many of them) all around the bed. My dear friend was sitting in a wheelchair by his wife's side, looking very distressed. Now, this is a very misunderstood man who most would say was an unpleasant sort of fellow, but to be honest, I've grown very fond of him over the past 2 years. I understand where he's coming from. He's been married to the same woman for 70 years at least (which blows my mind after only 5.5 years of marriage--if I'd only met Dan younger...). I had to stuff some of the feelings today to get through the rest of rounds, but tonight, I decided to try to let them out. Dan says this is what makes me a good doc--I feel their pain tonight and have been praying for them as I had promised. I fear her husband will give up on life as he has his own medical problems that could kill him. I, like him, ask if there was anything else I could have done? I've come to the conclusion that really, I couldn't have done anything else, and I need to express that to him as well when I visit him on Tuesday. There's nothing that he did or didn't do that caused this. At 91, the body is not able to do the same things it did at 21, and that makes any disease more serious. As I've thought about the past 2 days, I don't think he or I could have done anything to change the outcome. God, on the other hand, had full power, and was in full control of the situation, so I need not fear my humanity one little bit. I hope I have the wisdom to express that in a way he understands on Tuesday or at visitation if he's not around that day. He's like a member of my family.
Death is part of life, but I was wondering on the way home, do we fight it so much because we know we were not meant to die? We were created to live forever in the garden, in the presence of God. I have contributed to the fall on my own, but all were doomed by 1 disobedience that to us humans, seems so small. But all sin is just that--disobedience. Doesn't matter how we measure it on earth, it's the same in heaven. As the prodigal son said, "I have sinned against heaven". Doesn't matter what the sin is, it's sin and separates us from God. I believe this woman knew that Christ died for that sin and was raised from the dead so that death is not having the victory because she accepted that payment to her account of sin. I hope that makes the separation easier for my friend, knowing that he will see her again, whole, beautiful, and well. I look forward to it myself.
