The facts of life

It doesn't seem like it's been 11 days since I was told Dad's getting ready to leave us. He's withdrawn now and doesn't talk much. It's hard to watch him be so restless, but I appreciate just being able to sit in his room, even if he's sleeping. Just to know he's there and I'm there is comforting. I wish my brother had the same opportunity. I know he would like to have it. I feel like Esther-- for such a time as this, we moved from the beauty of Alaska to enjoy the beauty of life with dad for just a few more years. We're on 4 years now, and it's been worth all the heat and the travels of late to see him as we prepare for him to "GO HOME" to the Lord that he has taught me to fear and follow. I'm blessed to be part of this family with a legacy of faith.

Life can be painful

Dad's been in the nursing home because he's weak for about a month now. The last 24 hours have been a bit rough. Last night, my step-mother, Jean, told me Dad's kidneys are shutting down. I recommended no dialysis, as did his doctor today. The prostate cancer is making him have bone pain, which is hard to control, the pain meds make him sleepy and goofy, and the kidneys failing will make him more goofy potentially but will not create pain. We all now realize he's not going home (on earth anyway), which is a relief since there's been some disagreements on the point from time to time. His doctor is telling us that he has 2 weeks; I'm not a good guesser at that stuff. I know at the rate things have been going, that he's not going to be around much more than a month. Most of the non-essential meds (like those to keep the prostate cancer at bay) they have stopped, all physical therapy has stopped (it just wears him out but isn't progressing), and we'll be spending all the time we can with him. I know some of you have gone through this recently yourself and know that pain, though we have the hope of eternal life, which I can't imagine not having. This is a transitional period for him and us. It's been 20.5 great years with him since his initial heart attack in 1988, and we discussed that last Christmas. He has a will to stick around, but I know we have to let him go if he's supposed to go. I wasn't even sure how to blog this, and it has brought a cascade of tears, but I think I feel better. Those who are praying, thanks ever so much. Even the news on TV seems so minuscule to me tonight. I knew the news was going to come after last night's conversation with Jean. I'm glad she has come to terms with where we are, as that makes it easier. My brother will be coming by with the kids on Sunday, we'll try to get away on Monday as I work the next 2.5 days (probably till noon Monday) and hopefully can get someone to cover me the rest of the day. This is why we moved back 4 years ago, and we don't regret it. It's 4 more years that we have memories of Christmas and birthdays, babies, and laughter together as a family.