Christmas 2012, a bit late

Just to be complete, I thought I would publish this. It will give you the update of the year. And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS, for he shall save his people from their sins. Matthew 1:21 Christmas 2012 Dear friends and family, Another year passed and somebody didn't keep that resolution to just keep up the letter throughout the year so it was easy to just decorate and print. So, here it is, December, and Jenny will just keep the tradition of doing it during Advent. Maybe Christmas, too. The year flew by, as so many seemed to have of late. Dan has struggled with his diabetes since he was put on some pills to help his pancreas work better. Good for the digestion, but that means more sugar is absorbed. He has insulin again, to his great disappointment. We'll see what effect that has when he goes back to the doctor in January. He's trying to be good about riding the stationary bike to keep his metabolism up, which Jenny is proud of him for. He continues to read voraciously and enjoy Chiefs football, even in the bad years (like now). Jenny stays busy with work at the Veteran's Home in Quincy. She learned the patient's perspective once again (like a kidney stone and pelvic surgery weren't enough experience). Her advice is do not catch pneumonia. It was over a month of trying to get over it completely. Doctors these days are more conservative about antibiotics, which can be to her disadvantage after a 2 weeks of suffering, but finally someone said she was sick. One round of Augmentin and nebulizers. After nearly 40 days, there seems to be an end in site. Yeah for Levaquin afer the next 2 weeks! And codeine. Sleep and breathing are not taken for granted anymore at our home. God bless all the asthmatics and insomniacs of the world with air and sleep. Vacation was low key this year. We had a great time with friends over dinner the week before Memorial Day, then another vacation in October where we had just 1 get together. But, we got to 'do' Silver Dollar City for the Harvest Festival, finding some great gifts for Jenny's high school auction.There are so many talented crafters that gather there and it's facinating to see their work and watch them work, in some cases. We also enjoyed seeing The Shepherd of the Hills show. The weather was beautiful and the show had some ad lib quality to it that showed the true talent at one point when someone threw off the actor and he couldn't remember his lines. It created a fun memory! We only saw that and Yakov, but got some videos to remember him as well since he won't be there for the full season anymore. And the unprofessional phone camera pics were taken, of course. Our church has been a great place to be. We finally setted on one in Dallas City, just north of us about 16 miles. They have been a source of encouragement and we feel like we really fit in. We have a new pastor from the Peoria area who officially starts Jan 1 (but he's been preaching already), which everybody is really excited about. He's got a sense of humor, loves youth (one of Jenny's interests at heart), and sticks with the Word. We've found not all pastor's have done that at some church's, so we don't take it for granted. We hope your year has been blessed and full of wonderful memories. And that 2013 holds even more.

Merry Christmas to one and all!

Christmas 2011

Dear family and friends,

The time comes again to attempt to get the year into a small space. Maybe I would say this year was a year of changes. January brought Jenny looking actively for a new job as the stress was wearing her out . The Illinois Veteran's Home had an opening right away, so in the middle of May after some time off for Dan's checkups and graduation for a niece, she started working as a geriatrician full time. There is actually more time in the evenings now to enjoy one another and get some other things done since call is only 1 week a month on average.

More change happened in the spring as our little church closed it's doors and we went church hunting again. It was very tempting to head back south to Quincy, but we ended up finding a place just north of here in Dallas City. It teaches the Bible and they are keeping things going without a pastor right now. Jenny did a reading for the Christmas program, which turned out well. It was kind of like those old days with the Christmas program only there wasn't any memorization involved. Amazing how things do come back, though. Being in debate in high school helped her with the presentation and she wasn't as nervous as the old days.

More change happened in November over Veteran's Day weekend with a wedding in Raleigh for Jenny's niece, Connie. She and her fiance won a free wedding in a contest that Connie entered at the last minute (last night possible), so, even though none of us were from there, we had a gathering in the South to get the 2 started off in a new life together. We are all very grateful for the generosity of the Raleigh people for the arrangements, knowing that we can't tell our friends to use them since we don't live there. Jenny's brother recommended going home and doing an random act of kindness as a way to share the generosity.

After the veteran's holiday, we took some time to do maintenance on our own marriage. Many tips were learned and a good time of getting away to focus on each other brought significant changes to our marriage. It was such an influential weekend that Jenny signed up for being a group coordinator for future weekends. That just means Y’all can get a good rate while having a great time wherever you want to go! We recommend it any couple: engaged, just married, LONG married, or just feels like long married—we had a couple who was married 39 years there our weekend, and another one less than 1 week (thinking of that lovely niece from Nov 11 during that time as this couple got married on Nov 12). The link is www.familylife.com/groups/JAllen. We hope many of you take advantage of it because the natural progression of a relationship is to isolation. We want oneness. (We learned that!) Check out the website if you're even curious.

As the year comes to an end, we remember the reason we celebrate. May the small way that Christ came begin to grow in you this year more and more as we know Him more and more. A personal relationship with the Baby born in Bethlehem is a life changing experience that continues year after year.

Christmas Blessings!
Dan & Jenny
We're on Facebook!

Officer on Duty at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier Silences Crowd After Laughter is Heard.

LiveLeak.com - Officer on Duty at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier Silences Crowd After Laughter is Heard.

I received this on my facebook page. It took me a while to get the video downloaded, but I think this young man handled the situation quite well. It goes well with what I witnessed today as posted on my FB page and placed below:

I was honored to see how our veterans are treated on the honor flight today. First, they were announced at the airport, including the gate they were at. Folks clapped with ENTHUSIASM for them. Then, on the plane, the same thing happened. When we reached DC, there were fire trucks on both sides that saluted the plane with water. The vets they were asked to get off last. As we went down through the ...area of boarding, folks were lined up on both sides with flags, someone had a TV camera, a guy was sitting with a French horn, and they were all waiting expectantly for our heroes to deplane. As they came through, the applause started, standing ovation for this greatest generation of whom there are so few left. There would be a pause as a slower fellow came off the plane, then they started up again until all of them were in the terminal. I was brought to tears by this scene as I saw the guys I work with everyday honored by folks who have no idea what their names are, only that they are here, are appreciated, are honoring them as they see the memorial built for them, the WWII memorial. It was so awesome! I have hope for America tonight, even DC. Let's honor ALL our heroes, from all wars, who have given freedom to us by paying for it, some with their lives.

Christmas letter 2010

Christmas 2010 (including 2009)

Dear family and friends,

I apologize for the absence of a letter or card last year. We had a crazy year, as those of you on Facebook know since I posted my brother's letter on there in place of my own. He was better about getting things out.

To start back in 2009, we had very little going on until about May when Dad got into the hospital with heart failure that wasn't responding very well. Once they got his kidneys working better and cleaned out the prostate again for the 2nd time that year, he did better. He had been keeping the prostate cancer at bay with chemo and radiation, but it quit responding. The Christmas of 2008, he was feeling really good, though, and we had a very memorable time. I'm very grateful for that season and the time we all spent together.

In late July, both of us kids saw he was getting very weak when he was in the hospital again. He went home one last time, but within the week, was back in for nursing home placement. Though he had lost weight, his 6'2” frame still had some mass that Jean, our "second mom", couldn't get up when he slid down onto the floor. He was in the local Lutheran nursing home, still ministering and witnessing, for 6 more weeks. The nurses noticed he wasn't bitter and when he couldn't sleep, he would come out to the nurses station and talk to them at night. He stopped eating and drinking on a Friday, so I called my brother to come over, not knowing how long we had. He and his wife came over and we had a most memorable evening—I think we disturbed the roommate we were laughing so hard with memories and having a good time. The hardest part was probably when Russ read the section of John that Dad's confirmation verse was taken from in John 10—I saw the baton pass to him on that night as our family head. Dad wasn't really interacting, but I think he was listening. I know he's proud of Russ. Dan and I were there with Jean when he drew his last breath on Sunday morning early. What a privilege to escort him out of this world into the next. There have been many tears since then for our empty space that is left, but we also know there is not any pain for him now and he's waiting for us to join him. We frequently joke he's up there tearing tractors apart just for fun, as they shouldn't break down, with Uncle Robert, or is finishing up that wiring and plumbing with Grandpa Kruse on our own mansions. And we still laugh at some of those stories he told, though he told them best.

So we tried to gather for Christmas 2009 in Concordia at my brother's, but an ice storm prevented Jean from making it and my nephew was missed as we had to leave before he got there with his fiance. This year, everybody is supposed to be there, weather permitting.

The big events for this year was my nephew, Caleb, and his beautiful bride-to-be, along with that “littlest cousin” graduating in May from Concordia University, Seward, then Caleb and Brit turning around and getting married at the Seminary Chapel in St. Louis in June. It was a simple, but beautiful ceremony. The rain held off for them (but not those of us driving down) until during the ceremony with a clap of thunder appropriately placed during part of the homily. It cleared up enough to get around the corner to the reception and ended up being a beautiful evening with an awesome sunset. The photographer REALLY should have been on yearbook in high school and did a great job. We have yet to see most of the photos, though (hint hint Caleb and Brit...). The video from pictures before the wedding was excellent work.

The fall has brought a new deck to the back of our house—the other one literally fell off one night. Well, it was leaning a bit before, but I felt safe walking near the house to get to the bird feeders. It looks great now and will be something we will enjoy when the weather is warmer. The feeling of sliding downhill upon exiting the back door is NOT missed and I think the birds will appreciate the fact that I will willingly put food out for them now—poor hummingbirds left without a good nectar fix this fall since the feeder hung way up there in space for a while. If they boycott next year, I'll understand.

Dan's had some exciting times this year—he helped pull the old porch down and fix the leaky faucet that you had to turn just right to get it to stop dripping. Now, he has provided a wonderful pile of firewood for my pyromaniac habit that appears every winter from the left-over porch wood. He still reads like crazy and has really had a wonderful time with our new friends from church. As the guy is home now for health reasons, Dan has had adventures during the day when I'm at work. He will miss these days when the work begins again for our over-the-road trucker friend. We, of course, will still get to hang out with his lovely wife from time to time during the week as she does not always goes with him. We, in the church, have seen so many blessings and answered prayers over this year as we grow together.

Dan's mom is doing well now. She had some little strokes this summer and fall, but seems to have done ok since them. She is on medication that hopefully will stop them. She moved this year to an assisted living place in Marshall. She seems to like the caretakers and the place--it's really nice and we all thought it would be unreasonable in price, but Georgia Blosser set up a trust fund that helps to keep it in the normal range for retired ladies, about what she was paying before to rent and eat without having to do the work around the apartment! They have really gone out of their way to help her when she had trouble and we love her being there, too, with staff like that.

We both remain healthy and blessed. We hope the same for you in the next year as you remember Christmas is a state of mind, not a day of the year. Every day is precious because of the precious gift of God incarnate in that little humble stable in Israel so long ago. The creator of the universe, wrapped up in strips of cloth. Wow. “Thanks, Dad, that's just what I needed!”

This is a really good tract that I found. Please be sure to read it!

FRIENDS by Michael W Smith

This song always makes me think of the MWS concert I went to in 1987 or 88, sitting down the row from a friend who was leaving soon to follow a dream as I was left behind in Columbia to follow mine. All the people who were with me in Navigators back then on the leadership team were special to me in my heart, some more than others as I shared some very deep hurts with them the summer of 1987. They protected me, loved me, nurtured me, and helped me return to normal with their prayers and actions. I always remember them in my times I think about college and how God did amazing things when we were there. We taught Bible studies we didn't know we could do, went through trials that seemed impossible, and had incredible card parties (I was the head Gahuna 1 time, Scott! And I remember it!). We prayed for each other and our families. When some of us got together in the KC area in 1999, it was so fun to hear answered prayers decades later of families that came to Christ (like the Urban-renewal project of Tony Urban), and to see the children some of the relationships had brought forth. I was missing the ones most close to my heart, but to see our "offspring" was awesome as well. Healing took place as I shared what some didn't know about me. We all went our ways again, but I hope we can get together this side of heaven at least 1 more time before we are raptured or the Lord returns to share again what our Lord and Saviour has done in our lives in the last 10 years or more.

An aunt's thoughts on a nephew's wedding day

I was so moved to tears as I watched this young couple pledge their lives to each other. I agree with Brit's dad—I could tell by how she looked at Caleb that she was the one. From that first day that I REALLY saw her in action at Dad's house, cleaning out the library, I knew this was a winner. I didn't meet but 1 other girlfriend of Caleb's, but I know she didn't capture my heart the way Brit did in the fall of 2007. She impressed us with her willingness to work and pitch in for a family she barely knew and did it so lovingly. She may never know the help she was that day as we were all stressed out about the moving and the situation. Dad didn't feel good and was so tired, we were hot and frustrated, and she just plodded along, helping in whatever way was needed.

But back to the wedding. They were so relaxed! I was amazed as they were just so certain they were doing the right things. I had that feeling marrying Dan in 2003, so I know how it is, but I was older then and more sure of who I was and where I was going (or so I thought anyway). This is a young 22 year old couple who are starting seminary after just graduating from college 6 weeks ago. They are moving, working new jobs, and getting married. But as Russell said last night, Caleb sets his mind on something and just puts his whole heart into it. I could see that last night when he so confidently said he had no doubts this was the right thing. I'm so proud of them both.

And the thought on that brother of mine as the father of the groom....when I look at him and hear him, I see Dad. I'm SO PROUD of who he is and how he has grown in Beth's love. Look what a good woman can do for a man! His toast was so much like dad with humor, seriousness, and good advice. I never would have guessed 27 years ago how he would be. I have no problems with him being the family patriarch now. He seems to fit the role just fine. I first saw this at Dad's bedside, September 18, 2010 as he read from John about the good shepherd. It was like the baton was being passed on to him at that moment, and he picked it up and started to run with it. I think Caleb will be able to do just as well when his turn comes along, but I pray that isn't soon. Yes, I love, respect, and am proud of that tormentor of past days very much.

I also learned by the toast that Dad had considered the ministry. I didn't remember it if I had heard it. It is humorous that he didn't think he could handle the school work it would take, but could become an engineer and an MD. Personally, many days I think Greek and Hebrew might have been easier to learn than the changing data of medicine. However, he did blend the 2 through his own study and compassionate listening (even to the frustration of those of us running the front office when he was behind). He picked up a jail ministry and a ministry to the mentally ill at the tail-end of his career, places that most won't go. Those were the last 2 things that he gave up when he couldn't work any more. And even in the nursing home the last 6 weeks, he ministered to the nursing staff. What a large pair of footprints we have to follow in, each of us finding the places we are to serve and those we are to serve with the gifts we have been given. So far, it's been an interesting journey!

Spiritual matters thought through more

I just had a wonderful afternoon with some friends discussing spiritual matters. I always think of my questions and additional comments afterward as I discuss the topics with my husband. I have found myself delving deeper into the scripture lately and trying to dig out things on topics. We are going through a series in our church sermons right now on the church, so this was timely that I did a mini-study on what I think the church looks like (even if we didn't discuss that). As I talked with my hubby today, I wondered why is it that some churches have to have the same topic on the same day? Christ didn't say the same thing to all people. Some he told to go and sin no more, some he reamed big time about being white-washed tombs, and others he got downright violent with when he was turning tables over in the temple. Does every congregation need to hear the same thing in their service? Can't the congregation that is suffering through the loss of a dear member not hear about the comfort we receive that we may comfort others, while mine hears about what the church began as since we are at that beginning? Or we need encouragement about reaching out to the community, where others do that well, but need help in loving within the church, perhaps needing some correction of course? I was raised having the same scriptures read in all the denominations churches for that particular Sunday of the church calendar. I remember 3rd Sunday of Advent is John the Baptist Sunday (Heeeeeeere's Jesus!). Then the 12th day after Christmas is Epiphany, speaking of when the wise men of the east finally got to where Jesus was. But our sermons were not dictated by our church as to what we were to hear about.

I'm not sure anybody else ever did a sermon on the parallel between Ed McMahon and John, but I remember that one in particular since I had to write sermon reports, and that one it was easy to understand. I think of that on the 3rd Sunday of Advent, even though my current church doesn't bring up the different themes. I still see John, standing out in the desert, saying prepare the way of the Lord, and at the Baptism, "Heeeeeere's Jesus! Behold the Lamb of God!" I think God meets us where our need is. He isn't saying here's the topic for the worldwide church for this week. I can't treat patients that way, either. Ok, today everybody has a cold and gets nothing prescription. Maybe you have pneumonia, and you need antibiotics? I'm glad that God knows what we need and can meet that need, whether it's as a church body or as an individual.

Death of parents

I haven't updated this in the last 5 weeks. So sorry for those who were left hanging about my dad. He passed away, quietly, in no pain, on Sept 20 about 3 AM. We were there, as was his wife. It was initially not as hard as I thought it was going to be, but seeing him decline did help the grieving start before his death. We had a great time the Friday night before his death. My brother came over with is wife, and we were laughing so much that the poor roommate left and wheeled around in the halls until late. It was good to share memories, and my brother read John 10, part of which is Dad's confirmation passage. I saw the next generation taking over leadership that night and I was so proud of my brother. I know he's going to follow in those big footprints, even if his tractor is a bit smaller and is blue instead of red. I'm blessed to know where Dad is, and that is such a comfort to us all. I know it's been hard for Jean, and we strive to keep in touch with her to make sure things are going well. She has many friends in town who watch over her, but I told Dad we would be watching out for her, too.

We were on vacation last week in Branson. That time away from work and just being me made it all a bit more real. I saw a father and daughter sharing their meal (literally eating half), and I thought, "that's so special that he's taking time out to listen to her and share with her." It brought me to near tears as I realized I can't do that anymore, at least not in this life. For the fathers who read this, be sure you take that time out, even if it's only an hour every so often, because those memories will be so sweet. I truly believe in Daddy dates. She was such a cute little girl, too, about 4-5, just babbling on about something, and he was just listening to her and asking questions from time to time. It would have made a great commercial!

The other recent thing that has happened and is messing up the life-schedule has been the destruction of our lovely little Focus when it was rear-ended 2 weeks ago (yes, right before vacation). We didn't hear it was totalled for sure until a week ago. Now we're car hunting, which isn't what we wanted to spend our free time doing in the next few weeks. Everybody was ok, just shook up, but she hit us hard enough I only felt myself fly forward, didn't see it, and when I saw something, I was on the other side of the intersection with the car rolling some. That automatic gas shutoff thing really does work! It just sputtered to a stop as I hit the brake. There was nobody in front of us, and the intersection is really a T and I was on the top part outer lane, so it was "ideal" for timing and location. However, to my great disappointment, not a soul stopped except the gal who hit us (and she wasn't going too far in that car). We had an answered prayer when we called our friends who were going to St. Louis that day and happened to be right across the street at Wal-Mart when we called them. Talk about God's timing! We had a great meal with them and got a ride home with fellowhip we didn't plan on that day. We wish it hadn't happened in the first place, but it ended up great. Now to just find a car we like as well as that 2005 Focus. We're considering another Focus or a Chevy Cobalt, which we test drove today. Ok, I drove, Dan rode as usual, but I did try out the passenger side and back. It's no worse for long legs in the back than the other one, so it passed. It might actually be a bit better. We're still comparing prices and costs over the next couple weeks, and trying to figure out creative financing for it. I think it'll turn out fine, though. We may not get what we want, but we can live without certain features like we used to before they were created. I'd forgotten how to roll down a window, but I can relearn easily if need be. I'm perty smart.

Pyromaniacs: Here's your problem: you really, really don't get Deuteronomy 29:29

Pyromaniacs: Here's your problem: you really, really don't get Deuteronomy 29:29: "Link

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The facts of life

It doesn't seem like it's been 11 days since I was told Dad's getting ready to leave us. He's withdrawn now and doesn't talk much. It's hard to watch him be so restless, but I appreciate just being able to sit in his room, even if he's sleeping. Just to know he's there and I'm there is comforting. I wish my brother had the same opportunity. I know he would like to have it. I feel like Esther-- for such a time as this, we moved from the beauty of Alaska to enjoy the beauty of life with dad for just a few more years. We're on 4 years now, and it's been worth all the heat and the travels of late to see him as we prepare for him to "GO HOME" to the Lord that he has taught me to fear and follow. I'm blessed to be part of this family with a legacy of faith.

Life can be painful

Dad's been in the nursing home because he's weak for about a month now. The last 24 hours have been a bit rough. Last night, my step-mother, Jean, told me Dad's kidneys are shutting down. I recommended no dialysis, as did his doctor today. The prostate cancer is making him have bone pain, which is hard to control, the pain meds make him sleepy and goofy, and the kidneys failing will make him more goofy potentially but will not create pain. We all now realize he's not going home (on earth anyway), which is a relief since there's been some disagreements on the point from time to time. His doctor is telling us that he has 2 weeks; I'm not a good guesser at that stuff. I know at the rate things have been going, that he's not going to be around much more than a month. Most of the non-essential meds (like those to keep the prostate cancer at bay) they have stopped, all physical therapy has stopped (it just wears him out but isn't progressing), and we'll be spending all the time we can with him. I know some of you have gone through this recently yourself and know that pain, though we have the hope of eternal life, which I can't imagine not having. This is a transitional period for him and us. It's been 20.5 great years with him since his initial heart attack in 1988, and we discussed that last Christmas. He has a will to stick around, but I know we have to let him go if he's supposed to go. I wasn't even sure how to blog this, and it has brought a cascade of tears, but I think I feel better. Those who are praying, thanks ever so much. Even the news on TV seems so minuscule to me tonight. I knew the news was going to come after last night's conversation with Jean. I'm glad she has come to terms with where we are, as that makes it easier. My brother will be coming by with the kids on Sunday, we'll try to get away on Monday as I work the next 2.5 days (probably till noon Monday) and hopefully can get someone to cover me the rest of the day. This is why we moved back 4 years ago, and we don't regret it. It's 4 more years that we have memories of Christmas and birthdays, babies, and laughter together as a family.

Life and Pain

I just felt lead to write tonight. I'm not sure why, but I did. My heart is heavy burdened for a friend of mine that I wish so much I could wrap in my arms and hold as she so lovingly takes care of her dying sister. I have temptations to just jump a plane and fly to her to help her, abandoning all the responsibilities I have. Some say that's what makes me a good doctor--I feel things. Sometimes, it's just plain hard. The resource I lean on now is praying so fervently, as I haven't prayed in so long, that the Lord will meet her needs where I can't right now. That He will wrap her in His arms, which are so much bigger than mine, and comfort her and her sister, even this night. That the peace that passes ALL understanding, will guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus in a way that they have never experienced before. I want to cry with them, sigh with them, love on them, just be there. I will need to rely on the omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent God of the universe to do that for me. I sincerely think He's up to the task and meeting all the other needs He knows of that I don't in my finite little brain and soul. He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us, that He will be with us to the end of the age. I rely on that promise tonight for you, my dear sister. Know that I have tears as I pray for you tonight.

After a long respite

I haven't known just what to write or had the time to write it, so tonight, I thought I'd make an effort. Easter has come and gone, and I remembered all I've learned about Easter in the last year. If I didn't remember it, I didn't learn it, right? So, that fact that 3 days means 3 days (it doesn't sound like a new concept, but keep with me) came back to me on the 8th as I was thinking about the cross and the suffering that happened before that. That happened on Wednesday--if you go backwards, it's the first day of the week when the resurrection occurred, so that's Saturday night/Sunday AM. SO, you've got 1)Friday night; 2) Thursday; 3)Wednesday. Tradition seems to have changed that a bit by not using the Jewish time: "there was evening and morning, the first day". We Gentiles just think a bit different in this century, but we can adjust.

So, there's Wed, as I work, thinking of Christ's suffering for me on the cross so that I don't have to pay for those things I do and don't do (when I should be not doing and doing). I know, even today, I messed that up, and that payment still is on my account. What an amazing thought. My light bill keeps coming every month, to my great disappointment, but yet the bill for my sin continues to be paid--from that day over 2000 years ago. Wow.

I've also learned about the feasts around this time. It makes sense once you hear it. The day Christ died was the preparation day for Passover. That was the day that the perfect lamb was sacrificed (hey, could that be the Lamb of God that just died at the same hour that we were to slit the throat of the Passover lamb?) Then, Passover was Wed night/Thurs day. The feast of Unleaven bread was next, as Jesus was in the tomb, broken for us, with stripes, and annointed, just as the Passover unleaven bread that is hidden before the meal in a sack.

Well, the amazing things don't stop then. The feast of first fruits is next, the early wheat harvest. By gum, Jesus was the first fruits of those who have died. Now, if I got any of this wrong, look in the comments as I bet there will be some corrections!

So that's my excitement about Easter and what I've learned. Sometimes, I wish I'd been closer to Jewish people to learn these festivals as I grew up, but since I'm still a kid at heart, I suppose it's not too late.

Life and death

This past week, one of my little snippets on a calandar said "if someone tells you life is hard, ask them 'compared to what?'" I am still contemplating that one.

But the more bothersome part of the week was yesterday. I decided to go in late for rounds, like the slightly tired person I am on the weekends after a busy week, and the 2nd person I saw, had the whole family (or many of them) all around the bed. My dear friend was sitting in a wheelchair by his wife's side, looking very distressed. Now, this is a very misunderstood man who most would say was an unpleasant sort of fellow, but to be honest, I've grown very fond of him over the past 2 years. I understand where he's coming from. He's been married to the same woman for 70 years at least (which blows my mind after only 5.5 years of marriage--if I'd only met Dan younger...). I had to stuff some of the feelings today to get through the rest of rounds, but tonight, I decided to try to let them out. Dan says this is what makes me a good doc--I feel their pain tonight and have been praying for them as I had promised. I fear her husband will give up on life as he has his own medical problems that could kill him. I, like him, ask if there was anything else I could have done? I've come to the conclusion that really, I couldn't have done anything else, and I need to express that to him as well when I visit him on Tuesday. There's nothing that he did or didn't do that caused this. At 91, the body is not able to do the same things it did at 21, and that makes any disease more serious. As I've thought about the past 2 days, I don't think he or I could have done anything to change the outcome. God, on the other hand, had full power, and was in full control of the situation, so I need not fear my humanity one little bit. I hope I have the wisdom to express that in a way he understands on Tuesday or at visitation if he's not around that day. He's like a member of my family.

Death is part of life, but I was wondering on the way home, do we fight it so much because we know we were not meant to die? We were created to live forever in the garden, in the presence of God. I have contributed to the fall on my own, but all were doomed by 1 disobedience that to us humans, seems so small. But all sin is just that--disobedience. Doesn't matter how we measure it on earth, it's the same in heaven. As the prodigal son said, "I have sinned against heaven". Doesn't matter what the sin is, it's sin and separates us from God. I believe this woman knew that Christ died for that sin and was raised from the dead so that death is not having the victory because she accepted that payment to her account of sin. I hope that makes the separation easier for my friend, knowing that he will see her again, whole, beautiful, and well. I look forward to it myself.

Internet radio and cats

Ok, I've been off work for a while, so my brain is a bit mushy (not due to Hulu). I just found out about a new site on the web that will let me listen to my favorite albums (that got warped in the attic) without buying them. It's one more way to help with my cluttered life. It's pandora.com (thanks Allison for noting it in your blog). I thought I'd try it, and so far they have picked every song that I have loved from the 80's artists that I enjoyed. I have also found Christian artists like Bill Gaither. It's fascinating to be able to create my own station from songs I like and a type of music I like. For now, anyway, it's entertaining.

Dan is doing well, but thinks he should be back to normal already. I try to tell him he's had major surgery and it's only been 3 weeks. So, I have the job of reminding him that he's doing well and to slow down. He tried to chase the stray cat away today--he found that being a mistake. What's one more mouth to fee when the mama cat has been lost? Yes, he's ugly and he's bossy to the others, but he's not a coon or a possum, so I'm ok with him eating.

Yes, I'm staying up way too late for having to start back to work Wed, but I'll get the hang of it again.

Recovery and Healing

As I listen to my husband snooze next to me tonight, I figured I better write some more since there's not been an update since post-op day 2. He's has survived the trial of not being able to drink much for 6 days, pain when walking, not caring if he shaved, and has a new appreciation for showers and water. This is not a man who has been a big fan of water before, but to say this experience has changed him is an understatement. He's drinking more water than soda or non-carbonated soft drinks. This is good to see as I know it's healthier for him. He is recovering well from the major surgery he had, and we do appreciate everyone prayers--they have created a healing that I didn't think 3 weeks ago would have been possible. He's moving well, awake most of the day, and is eating better now (it really had ruined his appetite the first 2 weeks). He ate an entire TV dinner 2 nights ago, and ate pretty well tonight from our left-overs (thanks--it was SO good, Martin!) I may not be looking forward to going back to work on the 11th, but I know he's doing well enough I don't have to worry about him much. He's frustrated that he's still not having a whole lot of energy, but I know that will come back.

I'm also finding out that pain control is important, especially at night. He is trying tonight to us only Ibuprofen, and we'll see how it goes. If it doesn't work, they will give him some other pain meds that aren't quite a strong as what he had right out of surgery, but he doesn't need as much anymore anyway. So far, the ibuprofen seems to be doing the trip if his breathing is any indication. It's good to see God heal quickly and so completely. It's something I sometimes take for granted, and shouldn't. It's been a tough lesson to learn, but it's been incredible to watch.

The long night

There are some things that are taken for granted in my life. Being able to sleep well is one of them that I am learning more about now. Dan had an anxiety attack yesterday evening, so I stayed in the room with him last night. He ended up not having a roommate as the other guy was transferred. He has been misable with pain and says he didn't know it would be this hard. He's wanting something to drink, but he's belching, so it doesn't seem to be going through quite yet. They are allowing him 1 oz every hour. He's been up walking 2x today, but it hurts. They have increased his pain medicine a bit, so that may help with the pain. He's maxed out on what they were giving him and still having problems, so I hope this helps him sleep some. He doesn't even seem to doze at all. I got some quick naps in the night in my recliner chair between the various pumps and bells going off. Why does the IV always run out just as you drift off? It may be a nice musical tune, but it's still annoying. The night nurse really tried to reassure him that he's doing well. He feels like this is so slow and he's going to be here longer than he planned. I told him this is only day 2 after surgery--I see good things happening even when he doesn't, and try to share them as I see them to encourage him. I do remember, however, how slow the time seemed to go and how much I didn't feel like I could do--just getting up to go to the bathroom was a major project. Handicap rails are the most wonderful things in the world post-op. Such ease in ascending, and such difficulty when they aren't there.

They have podiums here to walk with--I think we need one locally. They are like the podiums for preaching or the kneeling rails Catholics have, but they are on wheels so you have something to lean on. I just had my trusty pole, but he's to graduate to pole walking later today.

Even though he's impatient, he is doing well, just struggling psychologically. Pray that we both have patience with th process. It can seem so long. And for good sleep for Dan--if he sleeps well, I'll sleep well.

It's over!

Ok, finally, we have a successful surgery of a grapefruit sized tumor, no cancer in the borders, no lymph nodes, and no sign that there will be any problems in the future with this. We are SO grateful to our Lord for this outcome. As I've listened to some of the other folks around, they have various cancers that need chemo or aren't treatable except with experimental drugs. We feel very blessed that his life has been preserved and that it looks like his health will return. People are talking about the miracle on the Hudson (which I believe is), but I feel like we have our own little miracle right here in Rochester, MN with no water involved. (I think Dan wants some water right now though, but they are working on that with some extra IV fluids tonight.)

The other thing that we are going to remember is the family that we have all over the place. We met some "new friends" at church who prayed with Dan after the evening service, showed real love and concern about us, and made us feel very at home. We've met another brother who is the Southern Baptist chaplain with the Mayo system today. Dan met someone who married a girl from Glennallen, AK, but I haven't met him yet. I'm dying to see who it was and if I know her, whether they know other people we know, etc. Hopefully he'll find us before we leave.

So, from a blessed couple who believes in miracles, we thank you for your prayers and love!

Drawing closer to THE day

As the day of my hubby's surgery draws near (3 days), I try to relax and remember Who is in control. I have a power that is above all comprehension who is guiding the hands of the doctors in the surgery and the team before and after the procedure. No matter what happens, we can't lose. Knowing that Christ's blood atones for our sin on the cross and that as we have accepted that gift, offered free of charge, we have already obtained the goal of heaven. Death holds no sting as it's the end of this life of suffering, but is the beginning of a new life (and I might add a new body that I look forward to) for eternity with our Lord and Saviour. Wow, the awesomeness of it sometimes overwelms me when I try to comprehend it all. Now, don't get me wrong, I want my hubby to stay around quite a while (or else why do this surgery?), but I also know that he's in good hands all along the path of the next few days. I'll blog as we go between the Christmas cards that are late and the calling of important folks in our lives to let them know how we are. We appreciate them all!