FRIENDS by Michael W Smith

This song always makes me think of the MWS concert I went to in 1987 or 88, sitting down the row from a friend who was leaving soon to follow a dream as I was left behind in Columbia to follow mine. All the people who were with me in Navigators back then on the leadership team were special to me in my heart, some more than others as I shared some very deep hurts with them the summer of 1987. They protected me, loved me, nurtured me, and helped me return to normal with their prayers and actions. I always remember them in my times I think about college and how God did amazing things when we were there. We taught Bible studies we didn't know we could do, went through trials that seemed impossible, and had incredible card parties (I was the head Gahuna 1 time, Scott! And I remember it!). We prayed for each other and our families. When some of us got together in the KC area in 1999, it was so fun to hear answered prayers decades later of families that came to Christ (like the Urban-renewal project of Tony Urban), and to see the children some of the relationships had brought forth. I was missing the ones most close to my heart, but to see our "offspring" was awesome as well. Healing took place as I shared what some didn't know about me. We all went our ways again, but I hope we can get together this side of heaven at least 1 more time before we are raptured or the Lord returns to share again what our Lord and Saviour has done in our lives in the last 10 years or more.

An aunt's thoughts on a nephew's wedding day

I was so moved to tears as I watched this young couple pledge their lives to each other. I agree with Brit's dad—I could tell by how she looked at Caleb that she was the one. From that first day that I REALLY saw her in action at Dad's house, cleaning out the library, I knew this was a winner. I didn't meet but 1 other girlfriend of Caleb's, but I know she didn't capture my heart the way Brit did in the fall of 2007. She impressed us with her willingness to work and pitch in for a family she barely knew and did it so lovingly. She may never know the help she was that day as we were all stressed out about the moving and the situation. Dad didn't feel good and was so tired, we were hot and frustrated, and she just plodded along, helping in whatever way was needed.

But back to the wedding. They were so relaxed! I was amazed as they were just so certain they were doing the right things. I had that feeling marrying Dan in 2003, so I know how it is, but I was older then and more sure of who I was and where I was going (or so I thought anyway). This is a young 22 year old couple who are starting seminary after just graduating from college 6 weeks ago. They are moving, working new jobs, and getting married. But as Russell said last night, Caleb sets his mind on something and just puts his whole heart into it. I could see that last night when he so confidently said he had no doubts this was the right thing. I'm so proud of them both.

And the thought on that brother of mine as the father of the groom....when I look at him and hear him, I see Dad. I'm SO PROUD of who he is and how he has grown in Beth's love. Look what a good woman can do for a man! His toast was so much like dad with humor, seriousness, and good advice. I never would have guessed 27 years ago how he would be. I have no problems with him being the family patriarch now. He seems to fit the role just fine. I first saw this at Dad's bedside, September 18, 2010 as he read from John about the good shepherd. It was like the baton was being passed on to him at that moment, and he picked it up and started to run with it. I think Caleb will be able to do just as well when his turn comes along, but I pray that isn't soon. Yes, I love, respect, and am proud of that tormentor of past days very much.

I also learned by the toast that Dad had considered the ministry. I didn't remember it if I had heard it. It is humorous that he didn't think he could handle the school work it would take, but could become an engineer and an MD. Personally, many days I think Greek and Hebrew might have been easier to learn than the changing data of medicine. However, he did blend the 2 through his own study and compassionate listening (even to the frustration of those of us running the front office when he was behind). He picked up a jail ministry and a ministry to the mentally ill at the tail-end of his career, places that most won't go. Those were the last 2 things that he gave up when he couldn't work any more. And even in the nursing home the last 6 weeks, he ministered to the nursing staff. What a large pair of footprints we have to follow in, each of us finding the places we are to serve and those we are to serve with the gifts we have been given. So far, it's been an interesting journey!

Spiritual matters thought through more

I just had a wonderful afternoon with some friends discussing spiritual matters. I always think of my questions and additional comments afterward as I discuss the topics with my husband. I have found myself delving deeper into the scripture lately and trying to dig out things on topics. We are going through a series in our church sermons right now on the church, so this was timely that I did a mini-study on what I think the church looks like (even if we didn't discuss that). As I talked with my hubby today, I wondered why is it that some churches have to have the same topic on the same day? Christ didn't say the same thing to all people. Some he told to go and sin no more, some he reamed big time about being white-washed tombs, and others he got downright violent with when he was turning tables over in the temple. Does every congregation need to hear the same thing in their service? Can't the congregation that is suffering through the loss of a dear member not hear about the comfort we receive that we may comfort others, while mine hears about what the church began as since we are at that beginning? Or we need encouragement about reaching out to the community, where others do that well, but need help in loving within the church, perhaps needing some correction of course? I was raised having the same scriptures read in all the denominations churches for that particular Sunday of the church calendar. I remember 3rd Sunday of Advent is John the Baptist Sunday (Heeeeeeere's Jesus!). Then the 12th day after Christmas is Epiphany, speaking of when the wise men of the east finally got to where Jesus was. But our sermons were not dictated by our church as to what we were to hear about.

I'm not sure anybody else ever did a sermon on the parallel between Ed McMahon and John, but I remember that one in particular since I had to write sermon reports, and that one it was easy to understand. I think of that on the 3rd Sunday of Advent, even though my current church doesn't bring up the different themes. I still see John, standing out in the desert, saying prepare the way of the Lord, and at the Baptism, "Heeeeeere's Jesus! Behold the Lamb of God!" I think God meets us where our need is. He isn't saying here's the topic for the worldwide church for this week. I can't treat patients that way, either. Ok, today everybody has a cold and gets nothing prescription. Maybe you have pneumonia, and you need antibiotics? I'm glad that God knows what we need and can meet that need, whether it's as a church body or as an individual.

Death of parents

I haven't updated this in the last 5 weeks. So sorry for those who were left hanging about my dad. He passed away, quietly, in no pain, on Sept 20 about 3 AM. We were there, as was his wife. It was initially not as hard as I thought it was going to be, but seeing him decline did help the grieving start before his death. We had a great time the Friday night before his death. My brother came over with is wife, and we were laughing so much that the poor roommate left and wheeled around in the halls until late. It was good to share memories, and my brother read John 10, part of which is Dad's confirmation passage. I saw the next generation taking over leadership that night and I was so proud of my brother. I know he's going to follow in those big footprints, even if his tractor is a bit smaller and is blue instead of red. I'm blessed to know where Dad is, and that is such a comfort to us all. I know it's been hard for Jean, and we strive to keep in touch with her to make sure things are going well. She has many friends in town who watch over her, but I told Dad we would be watching out for her, too.

We were on vacation last week in Branson. That time away from work and just being me made it all a bit more real. I saw a father and daughter sharing their meal (literally eating half), and I thought, "that's so special that he's taking time out to listen to her and share with her." It brought me to near tears as I realized I can't do that anymore, at least not in this life. For the fathers who read this, be sure you take that time out, even if it's only an hour every so often, because those memories will be so sweet. I truly believe in Daddy dates. She was such a cute little girl, too, about 4-5, just babbling on about something, and he was just listening to her and asking questions from time to time. It would have made a great commercial!

The other recent thing that has happened and is messing up the life-schedule has been the destruction of our lovely little Focus when it was rear-ended 2 weeks ago (yes, right before vacation). We didn't hear it was totalled for sure until a week ago. Now we're car hunting, which isn't what we wanted to spend our free time doing in the next few weeks. Everybody was ok, just shook up, but she hit us hard enough I only felt myself fly forward, didn't see it, and when I saw something, I was on the other side of the intersection with the car rolling some. That automatic gas shutoff thing really does work! It just sputtered to a stop as I hit the brake. There was nobody in front of us, and the intersection is really a T and I was on the top part outer lane, so it was "ideal" for timing and location. However, to my great disappointment, not a soul stopped except the gal who hit us (and she wasn't going too far in that car). We had an answered prayer when we called our friends who were going to St. Louis that day and happened to be right across the street at Wal-Mart when we called them. Talk about God's timing! We had a great meal with them and got a ride home with fellowhip we didn't plan on that day. We wish it hadn't happened in the first place, but it ended up great. Now to just find a car we like as well as that 2005 Focus. We're considering another Focus or a Chevy Cobalt, which we test drove today. Ok, I drove, Dan rode as usual, but I did try out the passenger side and back. It's no worse for long legs in the back than the other one, so it passed. It might actually be a bit better. We're still comparing prices and costs over the next couple weeks, and trying to figure out creative financing for it. I think it'll turn out fine, though. We may not get what we want, but we can live without certain features like we used to before they were created. I'd forgotten how to roll down a window, but I can relearn easily if need be. I'm perty smart.

Pyromaniacs: Here's your problem: you really, really don't get Deuteronomy 29:29

Pyromaniacs: Here's your problem: you really, really don't get Deuteronomy 29:29: "Link

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The facts of life

It doesn't seem like it's been 11 days since I was told Dad's getting ready to leave us. He's withdrawn now and doesn't talk much. It's hard to watch him be so restless, but I appreciate just being able to sit in his room, even if he's sleeping. Just to know he's there and I'm there is comforting. I wish my brother had the same opportunity. I know he would like to have it. I feel like Esther-- for such a time as this, we moved from the beauty of Alaska to enjoy the beauty of life with dad for just a few more years. We're on 4 years now, and it's been worth all the heat and the travels of late to see him as we prepare for him to "GO HOME" to the Lord that he has taught me to fear and follow. I'm blessed to be part of this family with a legacy of faith.

Life can be painful

Dad's been in the nursing home because he's weak for about a month now. The last 24 hours have been a bit rough. Last night, my step-mother, Jean, told me Dad's kidneys are shutting down. I recommended no dialysis, as did his doctor today. The prostate cancer is making him have bone pain, which is hard to control, the pain meds make him sleepy and goofy, and the kidneys failing will make him more goofy potentially but will not create pain. We all now realize he's not going home (on earth anyway), which is a relief since there's been some disagreements on the point from time to time. His doctor is telling us that he has 2 weeks; I'm not a good guesser at that stuff. I know at the rate things have been going, that he's not going to be around much more than a month. Most of the non-essential meds (like those to keep the prostate cancer at bay) they have stopped, all physical therapy has stopped (it just wears him out but isn't progressing), and we'll be spending all the time we can with him. I know some of you have gone through this recently yourself and know that pain, though we have the hope of eternal life, which I can't imagine not having. This is a transitional period for him and us. It's been 20.5 great years with him since his initial heart attack in 1988, and we discussed that last Christmas. He has a will to stick around, but I know we have to let him go if he's supposed to go. I wasn't even sure how to blog this, and it has brought a cascade of tears, but I think I feel better. Those who are praying, thanks ever so much. Even the news on TV seems so minuscule to me tonight. I knew the news was going to come after last night's conversation with Jean. I'm glad she has come to terms with where we are, as that makes it easier. My brother will be coming by with the kids on Sunday, we'll try to get away on Monday as I work the next 2.5 days (probably till noon Monday) and hopefully can get someone to cover me the rest of the day. This is why we moved back 4 years ago, and we don't regret it. It's 4 more years that we have memories of Christmas and birthdays, babies, and laughter together as a family.